Just lookie here at what I have in store for you, you sexy portable music lover, you:For Sale: 1 Sony™ Micycle™ Edition iPod™ $320.98/firm
In a last ditch effort to gather monies together to own one of the newer iPods, I’m selling my old one at an exceptional price, while supplies last. I hate to see it go, but I need to make room for my new iPod.This baby holds up to 700MB of music with stunning CD quality sound. That’s right - 700MB! In old world standards, that’s 1 record album's worth of music. If you're listening to the Ramones, that means you can fit nearly 30 songs in this iPod at any given time! Sony™ Micycle™ Edition iPod™ will play up to 80 minutes of music.Tired of scrolling through countless menus with that pesky iPod dial? The Sony™ Micycle™ Edition iPod™ has got you covered. This iPod has stop, pause, fast forward, reverse, and even skip buttons! You can randomize song playback, even repeat songs you want to hear over and over again!There’s also a unique EQ feature: 2 bass boosting presets that provide enough bottom to keep you raisin' the roof in even the noisiest of environments! It features an easy to read non-illuminated display screen that shows you which track you're listening to as well as how much time has elapsed and which EQ preset you're currently using. That means there's no more of those complex battery-hogging video screens that are too small to watch anything on anyhow (that's what teevee and movie screens are for, you silly goof!)If you act now, I'll throw in some extra memory for your Sony™ Micycle™ Edition iPod™. I’m offering 10 pieces of fresh, new, high quality CD-R media to the lucky buyer, free of charge. That's an additional 7000MB of storage up to 13.3 hours more music!Now let's talk about looks. The Sony™ Micycle™ Edition iPod™ is a beautiful midnight blue color with brilliant glitter inlay if you look close enough. It also features a 5 year old CHECKED FOR ACCURACY sticker from Taco Bell to give it that retro worn-in look that everyone's going after these days. You know what they say: "Old.. it's the new New!"Act now, as this baby is going to sell fast. I'm willing to accept an even trade for a like new 60 gig iPod if you're sick of yours and want to go old school. You'll be the envy of your friends when they see you carrying it around. And how nice will it be when they ask you where they can get one? You can proudly say "Well, you can't get one. This is a Sony™ Micycle™ Edition iPod™. Only one was made, and it’s mine. Mine. All. Mine."The phone lines are open. Cash and money orders only, please.
I can’t remember exactly how it started, but one of the first things I remember about this dream is punching my alarm clock because it was making a horrendous amount of hullabaloo oh so early in the morning. The punch silenced the alarm clock and Frank, who I guess was sleeping next to my head gave me a reeereooowll raaaaraah? meow when he saw me sit up.I got out of bed and ate two bowls of Target’s Market Pantry brand corn flakes seasoned with a wee pinch of sugar. I then showered, shaved and applied product to my hair to give it that thick, rather unkempt front lawn look that I like to go for.It was the weirdest thing.Then I headed off to work and got a coffee on the way. A nice waifish tattooed girl was behind the counter and she was rather quiet, I’m guessing because in this dream it was quite early in the morning. She gave me my coffee, told me to have a good morning, and off to work I went.When I arrived at work, everybody was there that usually is in real life and our server was down. A co-worker asked me if I’d like to see her pictures that she had taken on a recent vacation, and I took a gander. Amongst the many fine pictures was one of a dead half eaten deer that they’d spotted whilst snowmobiling in the northern woods of MN. I told her that the deer wasn’t dead, rather that it was just sleeping.. and suggested that she should use said deer photo as desktop wallpaper at her workstation.Yeah, I have some pretty weird dreams. Next thing I knew, I was still at work, but the servers were back up. My boss came in shortly thereafter and asked if everything was working okay and we said “yes.” I put my headphones on and listened to the Cinderella song Coming Home on repeat, 'cause evidently for whatever reason in this dream the song got stuck in my head from out of nowhere. It's a great song though, really.Then, the strangest thing occurred: Still in my dream, mind you, I started writing a blog about this really weird dream that I was in the middle of and I'll be damned, I posted the darn thing on MySpace. I’m dying to find out what happens next. This is the most realistic and uneventful dream I’ve ever had… I sure hope things get a little more exciting than this before I wake up and find myself back in the real world. It's the only real world I know. The one where I’m surrounded by incredibly expensive vintage guitars and my harem of admirers. They’re all at my side swilling ale (and/or sodie pop), listening to music, playing video games, and bugging me to take them out back to my personal amusement park to pet the giraffes and ride on the ferris wheel. Yeah, if someone could just be a lamb and wake me up so I can get back to that, um… yeeeah… that would be just great. I’ll be sitting here at work stuck in this gawd awfully boring dream in the mean time.
T0day I gav3 my c0mput3r's k3yb0ard a g00d cl3aning aft3r spilling s0m3 0rang3 juic3 0n th3 spac3bar | I t00k it all apart and s0ak3d th3 k3ys in s0apy wat3r | Man’ y0u w0uldn,t b3li3v3 what a dirty m3ss th3r3 is living und3r th0s3 k3ys y0u typ3 with|W0rd t0 th3 wis3 th0ugh+If y0u d0 what I did and tak3 all 0f th3 l3tt3rs 0ff 0f y0ur c0mput3r k3yb0ard t0 cl3an it 0ff’ b3 sur3 y0u hav3 a pictur3 0f wh3r3 all 0f th3 k3ys ar3 Supp0s3d t0 g0 0nc3 y0u put it all back t0g3th3r| It's g0ing t0 b3 a whil3 b3f0r3 I figur3 0ut wh3r3 all 0f th3s3 k3ys ar3 supp0s3d t0 b3... H3LP!Sinc3r3ly,Micycl3.
If your bathroom window is about 20 feet away from a window in the neighboring complex that appears to be that of a yellow kitchen with me in it, I have one small suggestion:You might want to close those blinds when you're poopin'. Pretty please with sugar on top.I beg you.No.... really.When I come home tonight, I want to look out and see a nice miniblind pulled alllllll the way down when I peep across the alley. You've got a good 4-5 hours to comply, as I'm on my way out for the duration of the evening. I'll fix mine this weekend so you don't have to worry anymore, but in the mean time if you could just be a lamb..
I had 6 or 7 stray Cheerios left in my bowl with a wee splash of sugary milk. I had to leave the room for a minute to answer my telly-a-phone and came back to discover that my Cheerios and most of the milk had been stolen.However. Take notice of the footprints left behind at the scene of the crime:
It is clear that whomever committed this heinous crime had really small feet. Not to mention they weren't very bright nor efficient in the heat of their criminal activites (notice how they took the long way to get to the bowl. Pshhht! Amateurs.) I'm going through my entire apartment complex right now to look at all of my neighbor's feet and so help me gawd if I find the culprit, there's going to be some Hell to pay. The sugar-infused "melk" and slightly mushy Cheerios are my favorite part.(On a side note I just noticed that I have a picture with my Wheaties tuque in it right smack dab in the middle of a Cheerio blawg. Perhaps I've found a new culinary breakfast blend here. You know.. sort of like that Hey.. you got your chocolate in my peanut butter! accident.)
This isn't the most fascinating thing to write about, but these are the sort of things that keep me up late at night.I was just sipping on a Dr Pepper and got to wondering: What kind of pepper gives this drink such a unique and refreshing flavor? It doesn't taste like any peppers that I've ever eaten or any powders that I've used to enhance the tongue-burning factor of my foods. It really doesn't taste like anything but Dr Pepper. And is the "Dr" part of the name representative of some sort of healing medicinal powers this drink holds (aside from quenching one's thirst)? And why is there no dot at the end of "Dr" in Dr Pepper? Is it not actually a doctor? Did they originally name it Dracula Pepper but need to cut out the acula to get the name to fit in the logo?So I busted out my giant magnifying glass, put on my trench coat and detective hat, and off to YAHOO! I went to investigate. Here's what I found:What flavor is Dr Pepper?Huh. Way to answer a question without answering it. Looks like I now have the "Dr" part figured out, at least. But damn... I still can't place what that flavor is when I drink it. It's so weird - I try and try to figure it out, but in the end always hit that brick wall of telling myself Micycle. It tastes like Dr Pepper. Get over it.
Attn. motorhead bitches: I repeat: the Pinto is Not for Sale.A few days ago I walked out to my car and saw a sheet of paper underneath the driver's side winda-sheild wiper. Aw shit, says I to myself. Another ticket. Upon closer inspection, it was not a ticket. It was yet another note from a would-be buyer that thought I actually would flirt with even the faintest notion of selling my car:
Nah. Nah. Nah.That's not how this works, Bob. I've known this car for my entire life and nothing, not even ten hundred billion dollars will separate me from the Pinto. Not even eleventy hundred billion dollars. Not a cure for the common cold. The blueprints build to a better mousetrap. Nothing you can do or say will ever make me get up one day and say "Hey, you know what? I'm selling the Pinto!" 
One more time: The Pinto is Not for Sale. The Pinto is not just a car, it's my own little time capsule. I will be driving this thing until I can't drive it no mo, at which point I will park it in an undisclosed secluded location for it to die peacefully. I will visit it, bring it flowers, and sit behind the wheel making vrooom vrooooom! sounds.Well. On second thought, maybe I can let it go for a couple hundred thousand. But only if said buyer happened to be a very attractive, witty and lovely single lady who could provide me with a cashier's check for $300,000 and also want to hire me as her own personal muse. I will write up a contract and in the contract, you may want to make note of some of the small print. It will read as follows: - The Buyer can only drive the car when the Seller is in it. - The "Buyer driving the car" is defined as the Buyer sitting in the passenger seat and asking the Seller to drive it (that is unless the Buyer knows how to drive a 4 speed stick.) If you meet all of the above criteria, Bob, shoot me an email or wait by the car for me to come out someday so we can talk.
In a last ditch effort to gather monies together to own one of the newer iPods, I’m selling my old one at an exceptional price, while supplies last. I hate to see it go, but I need to make room for my new iPod.
