When I first heard that David Lee Roth and Eddie Van Halen finally buried the hatchet and were going on tour, I pert near soiled my pants with joy, much like the whole KISS Reunion 12 years ago. I was a bit torn when I learned that Eddie's son Wolfgang would be taking over the bass duties and that the band (a.k.a. Edward) had basically written Michael Anthony out its history. You know that chick you hear doing backup vocals in all of the VH tunes? That's Michael Anthony. That and his overall stage presence were a major part of the Van Halen experience for me. I got mad and disowned this new incarnation of Van Halen, David Lee Roth or not.
Until the day of the show rolled around, that is.
On the way into work on 3rd Avenue in downtown, I heard the words Van Halen, Concert, Tonight, and Target Center on the radio. My heart reminded me that it was in my chest by making me feel as if it were an overinflated beach ball that just burst at the seams and and was getting cold and shrively. I haven't missed a Van Halen show since I was old enough to go to concerts, and sadly for me, my concert-going ripeness arrived a year or two after Roth was no longer in the band.
About an hour later, my lovely wife forwarded me an email from her co-worker trying to off her nosebleed Van Halen tickets. I got my hopes up and asked her to pursue, but by the time we heard back, the tickets were gone like a fart in a windstorm. We both wanted to go to the show now, and I was in full-throttle Van Halen Ticket Acquisition Mode. I made numerous Ticketmaster attempts and decided I didn't be raped upwards of $130 to sit up in the few remaining high altitude/limited stage view seats.
Enter: good old trusty Ebay.
It was high noon and I found a pair of 32nd row floor tickets that were going to the highest bidder at 3PM. Ebay "will I win" euphoria was power-vomiting itself through the cockles of my heart. 3:05 rolled around and I was still the highest bidder at $150 for both tickets. Hell yeah! Just ONE of those tickets cost $147.50, not to mention additional TicketBastard fees. I called the dude whose name was Ryan and he sounded legit. He closed the auction and the tickets were mine. I wanted to Jump - JUMP! Go ahead and Juuuump.
Ryan needed his money before he could email me the tickets, so he got all of my contact info and my Ebay ID and sent me an invoice for me to PayPal him his loot. I never got an invoice so called him after 20 minutes passed. "Well I sent it twice now... you didn't get anything? Okay. Let me look into this and call you back in 10 minutes."
A half an hour passed. Nothing. I called him back and he suddenly developed an intense case of verbal constipation. "Um, well, looks like someone placed a bid before I closed the auction so the tickets went to someone else. Sorry!"
Turns out I was outbid by $7.50 and although the winner clearly wasn't me, Ryan took up permanent residence on my shit list by giving the other guy, who bid at 3:22, (AFTER I talked to him the first time and gave him all of my info, mind you) the tickets. And he was too much of a meow-meow to have the decency to call me back and tell me. Just for that, don't ever buy a car from a guy named Ryan at Eich Motors in St. Cloud. Oops, did I say that?
So yeah, I was hella pissed. I found one more set of 23rd row main floor tickets on Ebay available for over $300. I sent him a best offer of $150 which of course wasn't going to happen, but at least I tried.
I drove home ticketless. I travel directly past the front side of Target Center every day on the way home from work. That day as I passed and sat at the red light on 7th and Hennepin, to my left I had the Hard Cock Cafe cranking Van Halen and people sitting outside nursing delicious beers before the show. And to my immediate right was the Target Center, and the fenced off Van Halen tour buses.
I rarely cuss out loud, especially when no one's within earshot, but I recall mumbling "Fuck off!" at that moment. It was similar to Pee Wee sitting on the bench bikeless and everyone biking past him.
I got home and checked my email, and saw a new message that told me YOUR BEST OFFER OF $150 WAS ACCEPTED. Well I'll be danged, there is a Gawd after all! And his name is Edward Van Halen... and we were going to be watching him from the 23rd row in less than 3 hours.
Um.. Ryan who?
Part II: Concert and people-watching review to come soon.
