I've had it up to here [holding hand high above head] with the relentless political advertising on television. It's the same thing every voting season, and every voting season that passes, it pushes me one step closer to Andy Rooney-dom. Politicians sitting on benches in parks with old people who read their scripted lines poorly. Politicians in schools. In factories. Holding babies. 
Sigh.
If your opinion is swayed by a 30 second spot where someone with a bad hairdo and Dockers pulled up to their man-titties slams their opponent and then turns around and talks about how bitchin' they themselves are, you've got diarrhea in your head.
In an ideal world, I would like to take all of these buffoons and tie them all to chairs in a stuffy, non-ventilated room. I'd set the mood by cranking my Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits CD. Then what I would do is assemble a team of big meat-and-potatoes construction workers and feed them the biggest, spiciest meal they've ever had in their lives, and I'd make damn sure everyone downed at least 2 servings of baked beans.
Then an hour later, once that meal starts to wreak havoc on their digestive tracts, I'd have them all file into the room full of politicians strapped to chairs, put their big beefy asses right in the politician's faces, and let them squeeze out as many hot, sweltering silent farts as they could muster. It's only right to violate the fuckers right back for all the years of violating me when I'm just trying to watch Entertainment Tonight. I'd have movie cameras filming all of this, and gladly provide masks and toilet paper for the construction workers. The politician who would make the funniest throw-up face would then MAYBE win my vote.
These days if the remote is close by, I instantly mute the telly when one of these ads comes on. Televisions now have that V-Chip dealie bopper in them which makes television viewing an even more edited and sanitary experience than it already is, sucking all of the awesome sex and violence out of the programming. To Hell with that.. I want a muh-fuggin P-chip in my teevee, knowumsayin? The Politician Chip. Every time a political figure is on teevee spewing the same mundane cookie-cutter drivel, The Jeffersons will pop on instead. And hopefully it will be the one where George is running in place on the bed having a total spaz attack. You know, the clip that they show during the opening credits.. I've never been fortunate enough to catch that episode, so that would rule ass.
My name is Micycle Tricycle, and Hells yes, I most certainly approve of this message.
