One night last week while getting nestled in the oh-so-comfortable seats of the Manhattan-bound F train to meet up with some peeps, I looked at the suspension/people-holder-upper post in front of us and mentioned how if one was a talented female stripper, one might be able to make some extra money on the ride home from work. More people would use the subways, generating more revenue for the MTA maybe even lowering the current $2.25 fare. The subway cars might not be wide enough to accommodate the "hold onto the pole sideways and swirl down" stripper move, but who knows... if horny dudes are Now that I think about it however, the stripper idea might be too much of a security risk, and worse yet a bacterial risk. I already get the heebie jeebies holding onto those subway posts and warsh my hands as soon as I can after making contact with 'em. There's no need to add more body juice of strangers into the mix at this point.
Maybe they could put merry-go-round horses on the posts which riders could hop on and read the paper while in transit. They could even equip each post with headphone jacks so that if you wanted, you could plug your earbuds or headphones in and listen to carrousel music while going up and down on the horsie. Think of how much fun that would be!I need to digress for a moment: I just went to good ol' Google to verify that I was using the correct spelling for "carrousel" due to Firefox's spell check wanting to correct it. I had it right (carrousel/carousel = same thing) , but made a rather disturbing discovery: when executing a Google query for "carrousel music", this site is one of the first on the list: music.carouselstores.com. I listen to some pretty disturbing music, but this goes far beyond even my palate. If you willingly search out and buy a CD full of carrousel music I'm sorry, but that's kind of creepy. The only use I think there would be for something like that is to play the CD on repeat super loud on the surround sound when leaving the apartment for the day just to make neighbors wonder a little.
Back to the topic at hand. The subway posts. The only other idea that immediately came to mind is putting something on the floor similar to a Sit-N-Spin where one would hold onto the post, stand (or sit if you're tired) on the platform, and spin around until you're silly in the head and feel like you're going to blow chunks. That might be the most affordable add-on out of all of these options so far and make those after-bar rides home rather entertaining. Get the throwing up done on the train so when you get home you can just pass out on the floor. What a great time saver that might prove to be.
The thought of affixing a tetherball onto the posts just crossed my mind, but I'm not sure I want to get conked in the melon by a tetherball soaring around the post at dangerous speeds. The only thing we did with tetherball in elementary school was whack the ball really hard in the same direction until it was completely wound around the post... I would imagine there would be more of that than actual games of tetherball in the subways. Which I guess isn't a bad thing if you're on the train and have some frustrations you need to get out.
They could also consider going the Willy Wonka route. The posts could be replaced with delicious candy cane sticks which riders could lick while in transit. Not only would it be a delicious snack for all to enjoy, but the cars would smell minty fresh at all times. I guess I wouldn't want to hold onto something like that though. It would be all sticky and grody and full of things like jacket residue, hair, and other people's spit.
I dunno. I'll think of something to do to enhance those darned posts. They do serve a purpose and a great one at that by holding both the ceiling of the cars up as well as people during jerky train departures... but they're so plain. I think something like a carrousel horse would really make it pop and bring the overall experience of wasting time sitting in the innards of a subway to a whole new level.
