Read it here on YAHOO! News.
Assuming this is an oral flu and not the sitting down holding onto the toilet seat kind (see: Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber), there is one major problem I foresee with this for Mr. Jackson other than the obvious one involving the discomfort of involuntary oral protein spills.
What happens when you puke? Your face moves. Unless you've had your head up your pooper for the last several years, you've likely seen a recent picture of Michael. I will provide the few of you who may have not seen him lately with 7 words which accurately and properly encompass what he has done to his face:
1. Too
2. much
3. plastic
4. surgery.
5. Not
6. Lookin'
7. good.
I know - it's obvious, and the plastic surgery thing has been overdone to death by comedians and talk show hosts. But the flu adds another angle to the mix.
With all of the overhauls he's had and things I've heard like his surgeon saying his nose is going to fall off if he has anymore work done to it, vomiting must be dangerous for him. As we all know, extreme amounts of internal pressure are exerted on the noggin whilst puking your brains out, and if his face is as delicate and fragile as we hear it is, what if during a particularly grandiose heave, his nose fell off? Assuming he'd be face down in a gold-plated toilet (what a sight that would be to see), his nose would then be floating around in... um, well, I'll let your imagination take care of the rest. Let me just say he probably should keep a pair of tongs and some Super Glue on hand just in case.
He's not in the hospital because he has the flu... he's in the hospital because he has the flu and needs to have his face put back together like Mr. Potatohead after every post-vomiting episode. That's my guess.
Michael, I hope you get well soon. I'm sorry that your shop class sawdust masks you wear did not serve as a thorough enough preventively measure for your well being. Have some 7Up and saltines and you'll be good as new in no time and ready to get back into court with both fists up and ready to fight.
Well.. Maybe one fist up ready to fight and the other hand holding your nose on until it dries.
