Instead of screwing around on Facebook when I'm mentally restless I'm going to try and focus at least some of that energy on journaling instead when the urge to type brain Twinkies emerges. Even if it's just a short entry and not a mile long book like I've been doing lately what little I post on this thing. Facebook is fun and all but it's a little too instantaneous and time stamped. I don't like the fact that I can post something and potentially have someone read it and think "Hmm... so Mike hasn't responded to my email/voicemail yet but he has time to post on Facebook?" A few times people have called me out on that. Sure, I'm guilty, but a) I'm horseshit at answering my phone much less putting forth the effort to press and hold the 1 key on it to check voicemail, and 2) maybe you need to make your messages stick out a little bit more or at least interesting enough for me to make it past the first few words. Did you ever think of that, lame email/voicemail leaver? It's not all my fault. It takes two slices of bread to fulfill my attention defect disorder sandwich of correspondence.So anyways, this new Google Instant thing sort of concerns me. If you're not yet familiar with it, try Googling it and a million links will vomit themselves up in your browser without you even having to press enter. I tried searching for something this morning and it looked like my web browser was having a seizure every time I typed in a character. At first I thought it was a cool hallucinogenic side effect of the 16oz Red Bull I'd slammed but it turned out that my browser was the one that was doing the jitterbug.
Does the world really need this? I've been an avid Google user ever since being blessed with a Gmail invitation from a friend back in the invite-only days. I'm starting to notice that the more changes they make to the Gmail interface and the Google search engine over time they're really not making life easier. Sure.. that's what they're doing on the surface. But at the same time they're slowly turning our brains into lazy mushy globs of mashed potatoes, and not even real ones. Yeah - powdered ones. I recall the days of searching the innernets for something and if I happened to misspell a word or two (shocking I know, but even awesome people like me make mistakes) it would kick back zero or very few results. Usually the only results were meaningless sites that happened to feature the identical misspelling that you'd just fed into the search engine. It was at least reassuring to know there was another human out there who made an identical fuck-up, and even went so far as to accidentally publish it on a website.
Looks like those days are becoming extinct. I suppose it's convenient. But so was watching Jerry Blackwell's big sweaty ass on AWA on Sunday mornings and drinking Pepsi instead of doing my homework in 5th grade. As a result of computers thinking for me I'm finding that I no longer pay close attention to how I spell stuff. I've talked to other people who are going through the same thing. That's fine and dandy on a computer, but when I have to hand write something or type into one of the few text applications left in the computer world without spell check I'm pretty much fucked with most of the words my inner proofreader stops me and taps my shoulder on. This is not good. That helpful skill has been overwritten with other information.. like the echoing sound of a robotic auto pilot voice in my head that tells me "DON'T WORRY, YOUR FRIEND MR. COMPUTERMACHINE WILL FIX IT FOR YOU. THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY, YOU JUST KEEP ON MAKING MISTAKES NOW, YOU HEAR?"If this keeps going, what's next? Google Fridge? I open the fridge and if I think of the letter B, butter, beer, and broccoli suddenly swoosh to the front and center? Google TV? Google purse? Google chewless chewing gum that blows its own bubbles and loses flavor after 10 minutes all by itself? Google poop-and-dingleberry magnet toilet paper?
Can we not just leave the entertaining psychic computer stuff to 20Q?I dunno. Call me old fashioned but sometimes I enjoy the whole process of having to think and react in order to accomplish something. Sometimes. Just some occasional combustion up in the ol' noggin to shake the dust off. Such as when I want my shoes tied: I bend over and tie them and bask in the fruits of my labor with a rewarding walk from point A to B without my shoes falling off. I do not need a Google Shoelace app to accomplish this. I love my iPod but still find the greatest joy in dropping a needle down on a record and looking at the massive 12x12" album art printed on the cardboard sleeve. It's nice to still have to press COPY on the copy machines at work if I want something that's on 8.5 x 11 duplicated.
I have this fear one day of satellites being blown to bits by aliens and the internet as a whole crapping out like an old car. You never know, someone's pet hamster could get stuck in the internet pipes or something. What will the people who have subconsciously become dependent on technological conveniences do at that time besides hit things when they don't work and then stand there and drool? I'm slightly scared... I think I'm going to head on over to Google.com to find help. Sadly that involves either typing Google.com into my web browser or pressing its home page button. That sounds incredibly exhausting to have to do. Maybe if I sit and stare at the screen it will go to Google.com and do all of the rest of the work for me.
I'm getting verrryyyy sleeeepppyyyyyyy.....
