Says who? Says me.
I walked past 4 people today (all men, mind you), and fer cryin' out loud. Put on some fucking deodorant, man! Seriously.
Sure, we all have those days where we're in a hurry and forget. Or we're overly active at times playing tennis, jogging, or even simply crouching in the bushes for hours on end stalking our would-be loved ones. The stuff wears off. Shit happens.
However, the people whose repugnant funk left me gasping today I know for a fact are not regular users. They are the people that have become so acclaimated to their own bouquet that they don't realize things have become a little stale over the years. Or they simply just don't give a rat's ass.
Case in point: Mr. Workplace Maintenance Man. Or Pigpen as I've dubbed him. An absolutely brutal adversary to all things in regards to applying pitstick. Every place I've ever worked at has had at least one Pigpen, and this guy immediately won the title at my current job. Just like the Peanuts character, there's an aura of dirty onion vapour surrounding him 24/7. And it trails up to 50 feet behind him (that's not an exaggeration - my co-workers will vouch for me), sometimes taking up to 10 minutes to dissipate. Dude doesn't simply forget every so often. He's forgotten every day.. since I've been working there, at least.
And it's embarrassing, because 5 minutes after he walks down the hall, you'll be walking in it and someone exits an office door, sees you, and immediately assumes you're the culprit. Sort of like the guy who farts in the elevator and gets off for the remaining passengers to be bewildered when the doors open on the next floor. All they can do is helplessly watch people step inside and wince.
Workplace Pigpen alone is reason enough to declare February National Dirty Onion Armpit Awareness Month. But I encountered 3 more people today - one guy who was even wearing a nice big parka, and gawd damn. If his odor was as loud as it was through a down-filled body-masking forcefield, I can only imagine what it must be like when he takes it off.
So if you all could just give your person a good armpit sniffing and make sure everything's in decent smelling condition, that would be great. And spread the word to everyone else while you're at it.
Together we can all make a difference, people. In the mean time, I'm going to Home Depot to get a face mask and some air sanitizer.
