I've had this overwhelming urge lately to win a prize. I don't even care if said prize is something I want, I just want to win it.
For example. I was at Home Depot the other day and saw a display with a portable generator of some sort and a form where you could enter to win it. I was looking for a pen but didn't have one, and this kind of bummed me out because I wanted to enter and win. A few feet away was another contest in which you could win a screen door. I don't even care about screen doors, but it sure would be nice to win one!
Later that day I was cruising in the Pinto puttin' out the vibe maxin’ and relaxin’ on Cedar Lake road and an ad blared over its monoaural Philco AM radio for Gertens Greenhouse. Something like "Enter and win $1,000 in free plants and dirt!" Shit yeah, I'd be all over that. The thrill of winning such a great prize would simply make all others dull in comparison. I can already picture getting the call from Gertens:
“Hello Mr. Krenner, this is Gertens Greenhouse calling. I am proud to tell you that you have –“
“I want $1,000 of the best dirt you’ve got. Have the driver call me when he gets here and I’ll tell him where to dump it. And don’t short change me; I have a food scale and I’m gonna weigh it all to make sure it’s all there.”
$1,000 in free dirt would definitely make my day. Think of all the free worms I’d get out of that! More than enough to open a bait shop for a few weeks. Not sure what I’d do with it after picking all the worms out.. I guess I would level all the dirt out and make the yard taller.
I need to go to an Expo is what I need to do. Like the Whole Life Expo or a Women’s Expo. 98% of the booths at expos feature boxes where you can enter to win stuff. And with this kick I’m on, I’d be sure to enter every damn one, twice no less. But before I do that, I need to rent an apartment and use that address on my forms so I’ll have a place to store all of the junk mail I’ll get as a result.
Even if I didn’t win anything I’d still get all that junk mail, and that’s kind of like winning something because I filled out the entry forms and ended up with more stuff than I had before I filled them out.
Maybe I’ll try this: If anyone has anything they want to give away, please set up a sweepstakes and let only me enter. Just let me know when the drawing is so I know when to be by the phone.
