St. Paul vs. Minneapplesauce

I've been looking at apartments lately and have come to a critical juncture of sorts in regards to where I want to setup shop for the next year. I'm a city rat at heart and have narrowed it down to the Grand/Highland area of St. Paul and Uptown. I'd live out in the suburbs in a heartbeat if I had the money to support the inevitable huffing habit I'd develop out of sheer boredom.

I've lived in both of our beloved Twin Shitties and have a special place deep down in the cockles of my heart for the Highland area of St. Paul. Driving through that town gives me warm fuzzies, perhaps because we've kinfolk in those parts whose homes I've been visiting ever since I was a youngen.

Yet I've always been drawn to the Uptown area for the sake of its convenience and my love of transient sightings under the Lyndale/I94 overpass. I still have my ol' transient-peeping beenoculars stashed away somewhere just in case. According to me sibling Chuck, earlier this year he was driving over to visit me when I lived in that area and he saw some hunyuck there with his schvontz hanging out of his trousers taking a leak as if that's what people do at a busy intersection.

Not to mention the occasional Doppler effect of passing by sirens in the Uptown area also makes for a nice, tranquil backdrop for one to fall asleep at night.

Minneapolis is closer to nearly everything I do. Also, I just opened a fresh new account with Roadrunner for hi-speed internet just two weeks ago at the place I used to live at and would like to stay with them - they only seem to offer their services in non-St. Paul areas. It's only Comcast or DSL in St. Paul, and I just don't like the way those names sound. Homey don't play "dsl" or cable internet access providers with the word "com" in it. "Com" is short for things like commercial.. commute... complain...

Hm. Let's do some math.

- Uptown, by far, has better won tons.

- St. Paul has my favorite Turkish restaurant and Carbones.

- Uptown is becoming increasingly lame. Lake and Hennepin in particular - rumor has it an AE Outfitters is going in where Pier One once lived. I will deduct 500 awesome points from Uptown when the grand opening happens.

- St. Paul is has always been increasingly lame. Have you seen the commercial cesspool that Grand Ave. is becoming?!

- Uptown is closer to all the fun dirty secondhand stores where I buy my basement-scented ugly shirts and other snappy duds (most, ironically, shirts with snaps on 'em).

- St. Paul's 25-35 demographic seems to be generally of a suburban, baseball-hat wearing variety.

- Uptown's 25-35 demographic are a way more outspoken, craftsy, tattooed, ensemble of denizens and they've way more face jewelry per capita than those east of The River. I find this makes for a much more entertaining, or at least shiny atmosphere.

- St. Paul looks awesome in the winter and I'm not axsked for change or smokes by onion-scented creepy bearded people with dirty fingernails when I'm walking the streets.

Aye, I'm so indecisive. To hell with this decision making, Uptown it is. I'm moving into the mens room of the SA on 26th and Hennepin tomorrow.