I don't ever share too much personal information on this blog because I'm a pretty private person. Not that I think my life is all that exciting, but I'm sure some of you are wondering: "Who is this Micycle person and what makes him tick?"
Without further ado, here it is. I'm spilling out the most personal and private facts about myself that I can muster up. Please do not share this information with too many people, as I don't want word getting around about these things.
I was born in a green rubber trashcan in my parent's back yard to a litter of maggots. The can was full of lawn clippings and rainwater, which yielded the ultimate environment for us to hatch in on that fateful warm summer day. I remember it as if it were a meal ago..
I survived on dog poo and rotten apples that were in the back yard, and once I was tall enough, I scaled the fence and never returned. After a few miles of wandering, I discovered the Cottage Grove KMart mall in which I quickly took up residence. The layaway department in Kmart proved to provide the most suitable living conditions and there I stayed for a number of years. I would spend the late night hours when Kmart was closed doing things like playing with Legos, Yaffa Blocks, and assembling Robotix figurines until the morning shift came in to open up the store. I lived on expired submarine sandwiches in the Kmart deli which I'd wash down with blue Icees.
I have 8 siblings, all of which I have not seen since I scaled the fence and moved to Kmart.
Things I like to do in my spare time: lick 9 volt batteries, sing karaoke music a capella, drink warm Tang, and collect toads from windowsills. I am also currently developing chewing gum that never loses its flavor and returns to stick form when you spit it out.
Where do I write these blogs, you ask? When Kmart is open during the day I don't have much to do, so I break into neighboring homes to use people's computers. How will you know if I've been to your house? Check your mayonnaise jar. If it's empty, chances are I've been to your house. I like to snack on mayonnaise when I write on the computer.
Hm.. what else. I like to read any users manual I can get my hands on, be it a blender, paper shredder, or a lawn mower manual. My favorite one to this day is the Panasonic Universal Remote Users Guide. I spend hours on end remembering which code goes with which electronic component. SHARP televisions made after 1998, for example, are code #057.
I love stale popcorn. I am allergic to wicker, crayons, paperclips, and tinfoil. I tried to track my parents down only to discover that they moved to New Mexico in 1968 and now run a dinosaur-themed bed and breakfast.
I wear my watch on my left hand not because it is comfortable, but because my head naturally turns in that direction when I start wondering what time it is. I wear belts and suspenders even though my pants are too tight.
The whole music thing? It's all fabrication. I've never touched a guitar in my life.
That about does it.. you already know too much. Oh, one more thing: I am currently unemployed, bored out of my mind during the days, and write absolutely ridiculous blog entries such as this one to make the time go by as quickly as possible. My imagination tends to wander when I write, but everything you have read here today is 100% true.
With that in mind, I should mention the fact that my fingers are crossed behind my back. Also: I also like to eat crickets every once in a while, but only if I have a tub of Papa Johns garlic dipping sauce on hand to dip them in.
