Dear Devo:
Please start biting your nails so I don’t have to wrestle you to clip them.
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You can massage my belly any time, just try and not block my view of the TV so much.
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Why do you keep drinking out of every water source but your own (other people’s glasses of water, the bathtub, the toilet, etc.)?
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Why do you run to the fridge every time you hear the door open and continue to stand there sniffing the inventory when the door closes on you and you have to struggle to get yourself out of it? This happens every time, and maybe it’s time to come up with another plan. You're going to get hurt doing this.
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There are much more comfortable places to sleep than wiggling and balancing on my leg when I’m on the computer or playing my guitars. I don’t mind it at all, just letting you know.
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I appreciate the fact that you eat spiders – it keeps me from having to squash them in a crumpled up paper towel.
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Thanks for never peeing on the laundry pile.
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When "people food" is out, do you really enjoy being locked in the bathroom instead of just controlling yourself and not swatting it with your paws? It’s time to embrace the fact that you have food allergies and can only eat what the doctor says you can: Purina UR crunchy food or canned meat paste.
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Contrary to what you may think:
1) When the doorbell rings, it is not the Feline Grim Reaper coming to get you and suck you into the fiery bowels of Hell.
2) When the vacuum is on, it is not on to chase you down and suck you into the fiery bowels of Hell.
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(Author's note: Cat Hell = swarms of vacuum cleaners with arms and hands which enable them to ring doorbells.)
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Contrary to what I think:
Chances are you aren’t sitting at the computer reading this, because you’re a cat.
