As I was on my way to band practice cranking Billy Joel's "Piano Man" to drown out the neighboring vehicle's earth shattering hippety hop, I was listening to Mr. Joel inhaling and exhaling through his harmonica. I then started thinking about playing harmonica myself.
I've got to get me a harp and learn how to play it sometime, but I'm not gonna play the thing the way it's supposed to be played. Nope. Instead of playing it with my mouth, I'm gonna git me one of those hands-free harmonica neck braces and adjust it about an inch higher so I can blow it with my nose. That way my mouth will be available for other activities such as playing a kazoo or singing. Or better yet, grabbing a lit cigarette from an audience member, taking a puff, and blowing the smoke out of my nose and into the harmonica so people would think it was on fire. That would be hella cool, I must say! I could even install a small lightbulb inside of the harmonica so when the smoke started coming out it would look like there was a flame inside of it. Sort of like Ace Frehley's smoking pickup in his Les Paul, only way more lame.
It will be a little tricky at first, but I'm guessing the muscles in my nostrils will build up over time and be able to "hug" the harp to get the right notes out of it. I've got some pretty big nostrils (I can fit 1 peanut M&M in each one... 2 on a good day) and can move them on command. I believe these are all of the prerequisites one needs to meet in order to play nose harmonica.
Lung capacity is probably an important thing to factor in, too. If you've ever played a harmonica through your nose, you know it takes a lot more air to move those reeds than with your mouth. But I've got that covered, too. I used to play tuba in the school band and could hold a B flat until the cows came home.
I've actually played a harmonica with my nose before back when I was a youngen but never really considered it as a serious vehicle for my music until last night. I assume it's going to be a bit of a struggle to find the right harp... I'm going to want to try them all out to see which one I like best, but can't imagine music store workers being all too happy with me rubbing my nose all over their merchandise.
I guess a Kleenex is thin enough to where's I could just wrap one over the mouth area to keep it sanitary, sort of like a harmonica condom. I'm gonna spend a lot of time out in a dusty, windy area before I do that. Why? Because then when I played through the Kleenex, it would make a cool little line of dusty squares from the dirt in my nostrils being filtered out while blowing.
This could get a little messy during allergy season or when I have a stuffy nose.. maybe I should stop while I'm ahead of myself and let your imaginations run with that one.
Look out Bob Dylan fans, you ain't seen nothin' yet.
