I went to OfficeMax to purchase a new printer yesterday because sadly, it was cheaper than buying new ink for my old one and which was on its deathbed anyways. One would assume that such a miniscule, simple purchase could be executed with little or no fuss from the friendly OfficeMax associates on a pleasantly mild August afternoon, yes?
Wrong.
The second I walked in, a Chad-looking fellow, I'll call him "Chad1", complete with Britney Spears headset on approached me and asked if there was anything he could help me with. "Nope," says I and off I went. Nice try. Those headsets are a real nice touch, by the way. A very practical fashion statement that gives off a high-tech attitude. It's great that they can wear those and communicate asynchronously from 30 feet away with one another for customers about bulk styrofoam cup availability and such.
About 5 seconds later as I was walking towards the printer aisle, another guy, Chad2 with a headset on asked me the same thing. "Nope."
As I was looking at the printer I ended up buying, Chad1 approached me yet again: "Any questions on that printer there buddy?" Ugh. Okay, I get it. You are here to be my friend and answer my questions. I love you too. You have established a great relationship with me and I hope we can go hat shopping together sometime. "Nope," I said, as I bit my tongue to keep from saying Yeah, I’d like to know how far can you stick this here printer up your fartbox?
I walked down to look at the more 'spensive printers just to compare some specs and a THIRD guy approached me.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. I do not want any help, thank you. Thank you. This is getting really annoying.
I grabbed the printer and headed to the paper aisle to get some CD jewel case inserts. Chad1 hit me up again for some service and I was dangerously close to picking up a box of paper clips and throwing it at his stoopid-ass head.
Keep in mind this had all gone down only approximately 4 minutes after I had set foot in the door.
Seconds later I headed for the checkout with my printer and paper and who else do I see rushing to the register to wait on me hand and foot but my old buddy Chad1. Long time no see! What's new since we last spoke 20 seconds ago in the paper aisle?
"Need any extra ink cartridges with that? You know there's only a little bit of ink in the ones included with new printers," he said while holding his index finger and thumb about 1/4" apart forming the international hand gesture which represents "a little bit".
NO.
"Okay! Need any USB cords or anything like that?"
DUDE... NO.
That was 2 questions right in a row asking me if I wanted to buy shit that was already included with the printer. Was he going to ask me if I wanted a power supply too? And a printer to go with my printer? I started getting really annoyed with Chad1 so I reached for a wee chocolate for him to scan and put in my bag so I could have some sweet relief when I got out of there. I was sure he was going to ask if I wanted some graham crackers and marshmallows to go with it, but thankfully he didn't.
Everything was scanned in and the total appeared on the register. Chad1 then reached for a brochure and I knew what was coming next: The Extended Service Plan Pitch. Sure enough, he went through the whole shpeal. "Buy it now; we'll replace it for free in the next year if it explodes. It's only six bucks! It's better than Best Buy's!"
Oh. My. Gawd. A $6 Extended Service Plan on a $30 printer is like.. um.. ridiculous.
I politely declined, bid Chad1 adieu, and got the Hell out of there as fast as I could so's I could eat my chocolate and regroup. It's not that I feel pressured in such situations, because I definitely don't. It's just that shmucky salespeople make me want to gouge my eyeballs out with a pair of used corndog sticks.
Chad1 and all the rest of you yella bellied OfficeMax folk: Look at my tarnished financial history and you will plainly see that I have no problem spending money, so there's no need to try and help me out in that department. Nor will there ever be. I appreciate your offer though, and I hope your dream job is to be a used car salesman, 'cause you're all well on your way.
