Many of you may remember the good times I had earlier this year when I was sent to jail driving in Cottage Grove with a suspended license as a result of few past due parking tickets. Everything has since been smoothed over and I'm back on the roads again.
One fine morning last month I walked out to the Death Star only to discover a nice white envelope with a red stripe on it strapped beneath the driver's side windshield wiper. It contained a freshly written up parking ticket courtesy of my old friends in the Traffic Control division of Minneapplesauce. They were even kind enough to leave Kimb one as well. It was only about 20 minutes after the time written on the barely visible temporary NO PARKING signs, but we was busted.
I sent in a money order to pay the ticket the following week and thought all was well. Until last week when I heard my Grandma received an overdue parking ticket in the mail.
The Death Star was her vehicle that she had given to me in June - we transferred the title back then and assumed all was well. But apparently the city is months behind on title transfers, so the vehicle is still under her name. So now, technically my poor little grandma has a ticket on her record until the city gets their shit together and fixes it. And ho boy, if she goes driving through the Grove like I did and gets busted, she's going straight into the slammer.
The city is also apparently behind in the I-Paid-My-Ticket department. But they sure aren't behind on trying to collect it again with a $4 late fee now, are they? "Sorry we didn't get your title transferred or your ticket payment processed yet.. But we did find time in our busy schedule to send a collection notice on said paid ticket to the wrong person!"
Ugh.. just shove a few firecrackers up my nose and light them to help ease the pain, please.
And trying to straighten this unnecessary bothersome mess out is another pain in the arse altogether. Think you're gonna reach the DMV over the phone? Think again. Call 612-348-2040 and see for yourself. I triple dog dare you. I've actually seen someone wait it out on the phone for someone to pick up. I walked by a week later and he still had the phone to his ear, but all that remained of his person was a skeleton in clothing covered in cobwebs and dust.
I give up. With gas soaring to over $3 a gallon, all of this parking ticket nonsense, and DMV procedures in general, I'm sayin' fug this. I'm hanging up the car keys and buying a mule.
But then I s'pose I need to contact the city to register my mule and get current tabs for him. And also get him a saddle with a pocket on it so Traffic Control can stuff it with tickets when he's illegally parked.
