I was chit chatting with a neighbor this morning and when he turned around to walk into his abode, I noticed a perfectly centered 3 foot strand of toilet paper hanging out the back of his trousers looking like a big ol' stick of chewing gum. It trailed behind him in the swift breeze created by his stride like a comet and I was in such awe that thankfully I didn't laugh. For those of you wondering: the portion hanging out of his pants, at least, was unused.
I've always heard about it and have seen it on hidden camera shows, but did not know this really happened! It was awesome. How exactly does this happen? Most people fold or crumple when they make boom boom (I am a crumpler) which puts your Toilet Paper Tail Risk at slim to none. You can't very well get the job done with a 5 foot long unaltered strip, can you? If so, let me know how, 'cause I honestly can't put it together in my head.
I started wondering if Oprah was filming another show on honesty where she'd purposefully plant such a thing on a subject, make him or her walk out in public and see if innocent strangers would be kind enough to let the person know "Um, sir, you have a big strand of asswipe trailing out of your pants.."
If that is the case, I failed. I hope there was a hidden camera, as I'd pay good money to see my facial expression upon first glimpse of the tail. Better yet, I'd like to see our neighbor with the tail again on tape, 'cause it was so damn funny.
*****
In other news, I realized my daily blog hits nearly quadruple when I talk about current events due to it showing up in search engine queries and such. I want my hits to nearly quadruple today, so let me state for the record that the Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt breakup is tearing me apart. I can't sleep anymore knowing that he's running around with that slutty devil worshipping Angelina Jolie while Jennifer is at home weeping with nowhere to go. Sure, Angelina has some fatass lips. Big deal. She wasn't on the so-white-it-was-clear NBC hit sitcom Friends, now, was she? That's a way cooler claim to fame if you ask me.
Regardless, I must state this to Mr. Pitt: Once you've had your way with Angelina and hang her out to dry, I'm all yours, baby. I've had my eye on you since Thelma and Louise. Reeeeow!
