a.k.a. "I've Seen Too Many NBC Dateline Segments on Bacteria in Public Places"
Here's something I've always thought about, and I'll be the first to diagnose myself with a slight case of subconscious handwashing OCD before I go any further. I call it a slight case because I only think about it - I'm not one of those people who opens doors with a hanky in my hand (see: "What About Bob?")
When you wash your hands, all you do is immediately get them dirty again. Why? Allow me to explain.
1. Your dirty hands turn the faucet on.
2. You get them all nice and soapy and rinse them off.
3. You take your hands you just cleaned and touch the faucet handles that you just turned on with your dirty bacteria-ridden hands (and everyone else's grime from when they turned the sink on), thereby contaminating your hands once again.
4. Most of the time, (in the Mens room at least, where hardly anyone washes their hands), chances are 2 dozen people that didn't wash their hands open the door with their dirty hands. This means you're touching a door handle full of who-knows-what and contaminating your precious little paws that mom taught you to wash after every time you make boom boom in the potty.
Yes, your hands may be more clean in the end and they probably smell nice and pretty, but more likely than not, someone else's cooties have moved in and set up shop on them.
Stay tuned for next week's self-grossout essay when I write about how you smash hundreds of microscopic bed mites every time you put your head on the pillow at night. Hmm.. Either that or how there's traces of fecal matter and um... other stuff on that hotel television remote you use.
