We have a "Buy 10, get one free" punch card system here at the coffee shop. It is quite popular with the customers... I know one guy in particular that comes in to get a coffee just for the thrill of being one stamp closer to that free coffee.
There are a few punch card holders out there that take advantage of the system: they buy 10 small coffees, one of the cheapest things on the menu, and when it's time for the free one, they stand there trying to calculate out the most decadent, extravagant, balls-out drink they can order.
After thinking for 3 minutes and then taking another 2 to find their punch card, game on. "Hmmm. Today's will be FREE, so I think I'll skip the small coffee. Let's go with an extra large triple shot white mocha with some caramel in it. Oh, and a splash of vanilla. Extra white chocolate. Could you use half and half with that? And put some whipped cream on it? A lot of whipped cream. And don't make it so hot that I can't drink it."
Suuuuure. There are a few people we bust and tell the freebie is only good for whatever they normally get, but that's only because they're annoying.
All this Frequent Buyer card business has got me thinking over the years. What if more places had them? I'd be all about taking advantage of that freebie, boy.
The Frequent Moviegoer Card: Went to see The Incredibles last week. It was some ridiculous shit like $9 to get in there, and then you can expect to pay another $15 if you go in with any sort of appetite. Thank gawd for my incredible charm which yields enormous piles of coffee shop tips... hehe! For the free one, you should get 2 tickets good for any time and a voucher for 2 of the alleged "money saving" popcorn/nacho/drinkie combos. Movie theater prices are, as Regis Philbin would say, "Out of CONTROL!"
The Guitar Center Frequent Buyer Card: "Excuse me, Dagger," slapping full punch card down, "I bought 10 Epiphone Les Paul copies - so for my free one, I'll take that 1957 Gold Top up on the top there. And throw in a plush hardshell case and strings for it if you'd be so kind."
The Best Buy CD shopper Card: Buy 10 regularly priced CDs, and get another CD, or... a deluxe box set, rather, for free.
The Car Lot Frequent Buyer Card: Buy 10 lower class economy cars, then for #11 go in there, slap your card down, and get yourself a Hummer. Why not? You paid your dues via the punch card system, right?
The Homeowner Frequent Buyer Card: Buy 10 dumpy houses, get a completely furnished million dollar mansion... free.
The Frequent Asshole Card: Deal with 10 assholes, redeem your card and pummel, tar and feather, verbally abuse, or do whatever you want to the 11th one.
Sounds like fun, huh? Go to your favorite retailer and suggest a Frequent Buyer card program today.
