Ingredients:
1 cast iron skillet
4 boneless chicken breasts
butter
Directions:
1. Purchase boneless chicken breasts
2. Take home, put bag on table
3. Tell cat to get out of the grocery bag and that he's not getting any of that chicken
4. Tell cat to get out of bag again
5. Put chicken in fridge
6. Shut fridge door on cat who is trying to get at the chicken
7. Melt butter in cast iron skillet.
8. Watch cat obsessively sit in front of fridge door staring at it, trying to figure out how to get in there
9. After cat smells butter and hops on counter to try and get to it, tell cat "NO!" and toss him off the counter.
10. Remove chicken from refrigerator.
11. Accidentally close refrigerator door on cat's head while he's sniffing around in there for something to eat
12. Place chicken in skillet
13. Toss cat off counter again
14. Fry chicken until brown on one side, then flip
15. Toss cat off counter again
16. Go to put green beans in microwave, turn around and catch cat jumping on counter again to obtain chicken
17. Try to distract cat with some of his own damn food
18. Realize cat's own damn food is about as important to him as a glass of water at that moment
19. Realize this is going to be impossible with cat in the kitchen
20. Place cat in bathroom
21. Go to kitchen and get cat again after not closing bathroom door quickly enough
22. Place cat in bathroom, close door with foot in it preventing him from getting out
23. Feel guilty as cat meows and cries in bathroom
24. Wonder why cat has to use food as an emotional crutch.
25. Continue cooking chicken
26. Hear scratching on bathroom door
27. Wonder if cat is mentally retarded
28. Eat chicken
29. Let cat out of bathroom
30. Forget the fact that you left skillet on stovetop... cat, however, doesn't.
31. Hide skillet in oven, go back to watching TV
32. Hear noise in kitchen
33. Go in to discover cat licking unwashed chicken cooking utensils
34. Say "That", insert some bad words, followed by "cat"
35. Lock cat in bathroom again
36. Wash dishes
37. Let cat out of bathroom
38. Watch cat jump up into sink and lick soapy food particles off of sink surface
39. Shake head in disgust at cat's lack of shame
40. Go watch television
41. Try to ignore further kitchen noise by turning up television
42. Realize a half hour has gone by and cat is still searching for chicken remains in kitchen
43. Hope to see cat back to normal again sometime in the next 4-6 hours.
This is one of my favorite recipes and goes great with mashed potatoes.
