Hello, I am Doctor Edward, a.k.a. "Doctor Asshole".
I work across the street from a coffee shop with prices that I think are too high and I tell them that a lot. The fact that I still go in there and spend my money is besides the point. Maybe if I tell them enough, they'll think "Hm... Ed thinks our prices are a little steep - let's lower everything a bit. And maybe we could cut him a deal for bringing it to our attention."
I love my deal cutting. Once I went into the store and told the guy behind the counter, Mike, I think his name is, that I'd give him the Wall Street Journal every day in exchange for a cup of coffee. I told him not to tell his manager about it, and just to think about it. I wasn't aware at the time that he was one of the managers. Anyways, I started receiving that rag for free and what the hell am I gonna do with an extra copy? I get it already, and don't want to read it twice. Might as well try and hock it off for something that costs someone else money. The bastard turned me down. Hey, it's his funeral.
I used to like the pastries they had there until they switched bakeries. I'd go in nearly every morning and sift through them with my bare hands to find the right one, and then hold it there to drop crumbs all over the clean counter and say "I need a small bag for this." Every day I'd request a bag, and it looked as if the guy was getting testy with me, as if he was thinking the bags are 5" from you, Ed, get one your damn self.
Everyone there is nice enough, I guess. I leave my trash I find in my pockets on the counter and my messes all over the tables there, and they always throw it away. That is because they are in the food service industry and it is their job to clean up after me. I don't need to say a damn word to them other than "hi", because I am far too good for that. The only conversations I carry here are with the people I occasionally bring in to sit down with and talk really loud about money and real estate with.
So anyways, come to my office sometime and let me work on your teeth. Especially if you're a cute little blonde... yeah, that's what Big Poppa's talkin about.
