Boy have I got a gift story to share with you that will make you green with envy. This will make your silly little iPods, iShuffles, i'M-brokes, XBox360s, PS2s, and whatever else is on your list suddenly seem about as fun as a "stick in the eye", as my Pops would say. So forget all of that stuff - after you read this it will all be good as dead to you.
I went to my nephew's high school band concert last night and my Mom gave me a little sumpin' early for the Holidays while we were waiting for the show to start. I guess she had already given one to each of my sister's kids and I was next on the hit list. Brother Chuck, if you're reading this I know you're in Cleveland and am sorry I might be spoiling this for you. But you'll be home in a few days and I'll share mine if mom forgot about you.
All right. Peep this badass if you will:
What is a Fifteen Puzzle, you say? Well let me take it out of its protective carrying case and show you:
Mmmm hmmm. That's what I'm talking about. I'm still working on solving it as you can probably see. For those of you wondering what the hell this is, you have to slide the numbers around until they're in order like this:
1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12
13 14 15
There's no batteries to worry about as mom pointed out, and it's portable. I'm making a belt clip for mine so I can always have it on the go.
Mom sure knows how to torture me, 'cause she gave it to me just minutes before the show started and I was so excited, but then had to put it away for 2 hours while the bands played. 5 minutes of Fifteen Puzzle is not enough. Just as the frenzy began, it had to end. What a tease, I tell you. It's all I could think about during the show: Sliding those numbers around to restore order and peace to my Fifteen Puzzle.
During intermission, Mom whipped another Fifteen Puzzle out of her blue jean purse and presented it to my sister who I'm sure until that point felt a little neglected. She ripped the box open and incessantly started sliding those tiles around as if her life until that point was meaningless and she had suddenly discovered that is what she was born to do. About 2/3 of the way through during a quiet passage I whispered to my Mom that I hoped the band would be wrapping their little show up soon, 'cause I've got a Fifteen Puzzle to solve. She laughed, but if she looked deep into my eyes she would have seen that homey wasn't playin'.
My name is Micycle and I am a Fifteen Puzzle-aholic. I have yet to solve it and experience the fulfillment and sense of completion that comes with that, but it will happen. I was up until 2:30am working on it and combing the internet for hints and clues (which there are none of).
A Christmas Eve Challenge has been initiated as a result of this. Everyone has been ordered to bring their Fifteen Puzzles to the family dinner on Saturday and we're gonna have Fifteen Puzzle Championships. Mom will hit the bell and all that will be heard is 450 tiles sliding around until the first person yells "DONE!" and holds their hands up in the air so everyone knows they're not still working on it and cheating.
I've got to go now and practice my moves for Saturday. I want to be so good at this that I can have 4 fingers sliding tiles at once. Everyone's gonna be jealous of my phat Fifteen Puzzle skills. "You want that 9 down there by the 10? Pssshh. That's so cinchy; I can do it in 4 slides. Hand it over."
If the Christmas Eve Championships go well, I'm taking this to a national level. So get yours now and start practicing your moves before the pandemonium ensues and store shelves are empty. I'll take on any of you and leave you in a trail of Fifteen Puzzle dust so fast you won't even know what happened to you.
Matter of fact, I'm getting another one and placing one on each side of my belt so I can whip em out lefty and righty style like Yosemite Sam and do two at once.
Yeah, that's what I’m sayin’. Just you wait and see, Motherf*&ers; this dawg is out to cap some Fifteen Puzzle ay-uss and he ain’t gonna stop until he’s done. Yeah, that's what I said. Just you wait and see. The Grand Fifteen Puzzle Champion will get one round trip plane ticket to Minneapplesauce, and that winner will be me. But you're already here in Minneapplesauce, you say. Yes.. you are correct. But seeing that I will kick so much ass, the airways will bow unto my mighty Official Fifteen Puzzle-solving shoes (the Vans), and bestow upon me the option to donate that plane ticket to someone who could put it to good use.
(p.s. - Thanks Mom)
