I was kind of sad when I heard that because I’d spent nearly every New Years Eve watching Dick and his giant dropping balls ever since I can remember. I think Regis hosted last year’s if I recall correctly and it just wasn’t the same as spending the night in my jammies with good old Dick. Alas, it’s 2005 now and I just heard that Dick is stronger than ever and coming back to rock our world yet again with his giant sinking ball.
The earliest Dick memory I have is when Mom and Dad went out for New Years and we had a babysitter. Twas sometime in the early 80s, I reckon. I took our wee black and white teevee up into my room and watched the show in the dark. I had only watched Dick early Saturday mornings up until that point on American Bandstand. Seeing Dick alone in my bedroom late at night like that was a new experience – I knew Mom and Dad wouldn’t be too happy if they knew about it, but I was young and curious and it was worth the risk. Dick was a bit fuzzy and wiggly at first, but I stuck the antenna straight up and then he came through loud and clear.
I don’t remember much of who was on that night, but recall the true ass kicking I received when Dick stood up tall and firm and said “And now the queen of Rock and Roll, Pat Benetar!” Out she came in her headband and heavy cheekbone makeup to put everyone in their god damn places. Hit Me With Your Best Shot. Uh huh. Wow, I thought. I bet she gets drunk, makes out with guys, and then kills and eats them. The guitarist was making porno face at Dick while he did his solo and I thought WOW, he’s pretty dang tough the way he plays his guitar like that. Dick stood there off to the side watching and waiting… looking like he wanted to jump in and flop around.
And now here we are in 2005 and Dick is still hard at it. Many people would think at 76 years old that Dick would have a difficult time getting up and remaining upright for such a long period of time. I’m guessing at his age during commercial breaks Dick starts to feel exhausted and probably needs to be massaged so he can keep going. Hopefully the program directors stick Dick inside during the breaks as well to keep him warm… and I hope they know to keep Dick in motion while he's inside and warming up to keep that circulation going, otherwise old Dick might get a little sore.I’m glad Dick is back this year, even if it’s for one last ride. I’ll get a tear in my eye thinking about that when I watch that big ball sink as Dick slides us into the New Year. And he always seems so happy and full of glee when it happens. But as old age takes its toll, that beloved gay Dick will soon become too worn out to stay up that long.
I hear that Ryan Seacrest is co-hosting this year. I’m not a fan of Ryan Seacrest. He’s so white that he’s clear. The vision of him sitting next to Dick sucks. It seems queer to think of seeing Dick next to what many refer to as the “next big thing”. The networks are hailing Ryan as The New Dick, but in my eyes, there’s only one Dick out there for me – the same old Dick I’ve known all of my life.
Happy New Year everyone, and let’s all drink to the good old hard working Dick this Saturday night!
