To those of you who knew I did smoke and to those who weren't even aware that I had started, I recently quit smoking! Yay! Here's that story. (Sorry to not mention anything here and make you cross-blog like that, but I'm an obsessive compulsive writer and can't always be on top of keeping these things synced up!)
Okay, so now that we have that out of the way:
I walked to the Hair Po-leese* last night to get a new can of goop with which to keep my lovely hairdo looking pleasantly frowsy and unkempt. Although easy to maintain, my lesbian hair can get out of hand if I don’t keep it under control with additional help.
One thing I dislike is when people refer to hair stuff as “product”. I knew it was coming when I brought the little expensive red canister to the counter, and sure enough: “Just some Product for you today?” I don’t know why this bugs me. In the hair salon world, it is used as a blanket term for stuff you put in your hair, kind of like Smurfs using Smurf for everything. Any one of the billion cans of stuff they have there will be referred to as product if you bring it to the counter, I gae-rone-tee it. It’s kinda like bringing a pack of gum to the checkout at the gas station and the clerk saying “Just some foodstuffs for you today?” Well, maybe it’s not. But you get my point.
Anywho: back to my story, or lack thereof. It’s about a mile and a half to the Hair Po-leese precinct and I realized that it’s a lot different walking a mile and a half now that I’m not sucking back on cancer sticks all the damn time. I thought I might break down, but nope – it was actually quite easy. And I’ll be damned – the air has a scent to it! You non-smokers prolly take this for granted, but I was amazed when a bus zoomed past me and I was able to smell bus exhaust. Pollution never smelled so good before. I pert near waved my hands in front of my face to take more of it in as if it were a fresh bouquet of flowers.
The rest of the air smells too! I was amazed that I could smell plain old air for the first time in a couple of years. I first noticed this during my lunch break and thought maybe there were just street cleaning vehicles out or something. But nope, that’s just how air smells. You forget that when you’re constantly inhaling through a small white tube crammed full of delicious dried toe-bacca leaves.
I got my hair goop and headed back home, walking an extended route up Lake and then down Hennepin to take in all of the new smells I’d been missing out on for the past 2 years. The Asian Buffet smelled horrifyingly greazy and sexy.. I wanted IN! Get this bitch some won tons! Every restaurant I walked past I was able to smell. Let me tell you, there’s some good smelling places in Uptown. My favorite Indian restaurant is now my even more favorite Indian restaurant. Reoooowlll…
It’s no wonder that smokers who quit are notorious for gaining weight; it’s because everything smells so fucking good. I’ll just settle for smelling food right now and hold off on the overweight thing for when I’m a washed up B celebrity. Then I can star on Celebrity Fit Club and everyone can gasp when I take my shirt off and show the panel of judges how I can hide 4 cans of Cherry Coke and a Pearson’s Salted Nut Roll under my flabby man boobs.
That’s gonna be sweet!
* = If you’re in need a spectacular hair reduction, hit up my homey Mackenzie at the Hair Po-leese – she rocks!
