Drinking grape juice would not make me perpetually thirsty for more grape juice. My cat would find a more suitable place to sit when I’m busy recording with a guitar in my lap.
He’d also live forever. Money would grow on trees, but only for me. Coffee shop customers would specify what size drink they want when they ordered. People would come out in masses to see good, weird local music. Leo Kottke would come into my coffee shop on a regular basis (Leo, if you’re reading this, I’d let you smoke all the cigars you want)
Egg nog would not be so god damned filling.
Video games would not become any more realistic than they already have. I could have several acoustic guitars, a few of them with Scruggs banjo pegs on them so I could do that cool stuff Adrian Legg does. I wouldn’t be sitting here typing what my ideal world would be like. I would get paid a lot of money to sit in front of my computer writing good, weird local music* – although if money were growing on a tree for me as mentioned before, I suppose that wouldn’t really matter, nor would I be sitting in a coffee shop for Leo Kottke to come smoke cigars in. My Pinto would run on water, never rust, and the woodgrain paneling would not be faded on one side. People would not wear Zubas with peppers all over them anymore. Or stretch pants. Parents would not let their little kids leave the house with ducktails. KISS would still have all of the original members and not suck so bad.
I would have time to play sousaphone for the Minneapolis Police Band (they’re in need of a sousaphone player and I happen to be one). I wouldn’t be aware of what mom puts in the blender to make that gravy so tasty. My hair would stop growing and I wouldn’t need haircuts anymore.
Target would still sell Super Pretzels at Food Avenue rather than those weird doughy gourmet ones.
That’s about it for now, leaving out a few personal things that might give someone the wrong idea and think I’m very naughty. Well, it’s not so much that it would be the wrong idea or that I actually care whether or not people think I’m naughty, because I am naughty, and naughty is very fun, but there’s some things just better left unsaid…
One more thing: In my ideal world, I wouldn’t have to type this shit out – all I’d have to do is think it and it the writing would magically appear on the computer screen.
