I've got some time to kill before a lunch date and have to get something off of my chest in regards to a cat food commercial I saw this morning. Very important things to talk about, as usual.
The commercial was for a new "Indoor Formula" cat food. Whatever happened to just plain old cat food? What makes this different from regular cat food? Is there an "outdoor formula" cat food? If so, am I supposed to feed it to my cat prior to letting him out? Will it lower his risk of airborne feline viruses and disease? Is there an "indoor/outdoor" formula for people who occasionally let their cats out?
I want to know why an indoor formula cat food is really necessary. To me it seems like just another choice you have to make. Have you seen how many goddamn cat food formulas there are in existence already? It's like trying to pick out feminine hygiene products. Not that I have (because I am a boy and didn't come with those parts), but I've been in the aisle and have seen the vast array of flavors available. Ladies, you have my condolences.
How did I get from cat food to tampons? Umm.. anyways -
Really though. Indoor Formula cat food.
Maybe when you open the bag it's full of live bats, insects, birds, mice, and other prey that cats pursue while they're outside. This would be a very good way to ensure that your cat is fulfilling his/her natural instincts and not getting bored just eating brown crunchy pellets that just lay there. If Indoor Formula cat food did actually consist of live "cat bait" like that, it would all probably come flying and crawling out of the bag when you cracked it open.
In that case, it might be a good idea to have a quick release spout on the bag as to not let too much food escape at once. "Oops - I let 2 centipedes, a basement bug and a hummingbird out - get the net!" Or better yet, "Oops - I put the Indoor Formula cat food on the bottom of the grocery bag and accidentally crushed it by putting a 5 lb bag of sugar on top of it. Looks like we'll have to get the blender out and make Fluffy a smoothie. Hope the leftovers can be frozen."
And on the back of the bag, perhaps there's a coupon where you save 10 upc symbols and mail in for free shots for your cat which they'd obviously need after eating all of that shit.
Just an idea. I don't recall seeing bugs and bats in a bowl on the commercial, but you never know. Maybe I'll go into Petsmart and crack a bag open... I'll be sure to have a tennis racket and a can of Raid on hand just in case anything comes flying out at me.
