In case you haven't heard, let me sum up this recent Oprah Winfrey gnus story for you:
1. Oprah Winfrey reads James Frey memoir "A Million Little Pieces"
2. Oprah believes its claim to be a harrowing nonfiction account of the authors struggle with chemical dependency
3. Oprah pimps book to her audience as her Book-O-the-Month
4. Everyone follows Oprah's word, buys book, reads it, also believing it's nonfiction
5. Whistle is blown on author James Frey, saying many details in book are bogus and ornate
6. Oprah calls into Larry King shortly thereafter saying "Na-AHHHHHH! It's real, dummy!" and sticks her tongue out at him
7. Oprah realizes she was wrong
8. Oprah has author James Frey on her show to flame him and hopefully make herself not feel like such a jackass.
While hearing news clips on the radio of her flaming this James Frey guy the other day, I got to wondering if Oprah reads my blawgs. You know, I'm sure Oaps grabs her boy toy Stedman, picks out hats for them to wear, and then they take their iBook and hit the local Starbucks on weekends. He reads the newspaper and sips on a cup of lukewarm water, and she hits up Blogger and MySpace to see what I'm up to. 'Cause Oaps and I, we go back a long way (she likes it when I call her 'Oaps'.) We worked at a Musicland together back in the late 80s before her talk show really took off.
Oaps, I just wanted to tell you that what I write in these journals is all 100% true personal experience and all from the heart... So don't you be reading my offerings and getting all skeptical and shit. You can't be hatin' just because of being burned by this phony Frey guy.
I really do want a pet giraffe. I really did lose my watch that one time and find it under a sock. I really do have a blind neighbor that accidentally crawls into my bed at night after cleaning my apartment and eating all of my hot dogs. I did have a torrid love affair with Olivia Newtown-John. There really is a bald alien man at my local coffee shop that is studying my behavior.
Its all fer real, and you had better live up to your promise of featuring my book in your Book-O-The-Month club once its published. After all, you dont want me leaking that little secret of ours from the Musicland days out to the tabloids, now, would you? You know the one involving me finding you and my girlfriend at the time in the stockroom making out? Man that room reeked of marijuana something fierce.
