I just looked up "unavailable" in the thesaurus and was surprised to find it was actually listed in there, you know - because of what it means and everything. Not to mention there was a surprisingly accessible list of synonyms following it.
I like to skim through a good dictionary or thesaurus every now and then because my brain craves new and interesting words (I did know what “unavailable” meant.. DUH.. I just wanted to see if it would be in there).
If I ever made dictionaries, I would pull shit on the user such as leave the word "unavailable" out of the book. Or just put the word in there by itself with no further explanation. The definition of the word "dictionary" would say something like the thing that this page is a part of that you are reading right now, you dumbass.
Flavors and/or fruits such as grape, strawberry, orange, and so on would be scratch and sniff, maybe even flavored lick-able ink. I guess that could get a little nasty though over time, the lickable ink thing. Pages would stick together.. Eventually harboring things such as staph infection and herpes. Okay, so let's just leave it at scratch and sniff.
The definition of the word "Braille" would be in there. But it would only be written in Braille. Not that someone reading in Braille needs to know what it means, but yeah, you know.
The word "inconvenient" would not be in the "I" section. And when you did find it, it would look something like this: inconvenient: definition is located somewhere between pages 498-577.
Thing is, I’d put it on page 570 and the last 10 pages of the dictionary will be blank. Which is also where readers will be told to go for definitions of words such as nothing, blank, Micycle’s Social Life, and so on.
The word “tinfoil” will be defined only by the letters of the word being raised from the page and embossed in tinfoil.
Heck yes, it’s about time the world has a dictionary like this at its fingertips. I’m calling Random House tonight. You can look for my face across from Katie Couric about a year from now on the Today Show being interviewed as the really rich guy who re-invented the dictionary:
Katie (adjusting glasses, crossing legs and leaning into her clipboard with that creepy flirty smile): “Mr. Tricycle, does it offend you that many critics say that you’ve taken the dictionary as we know it and rendered it completely useless?”
Me: “Katie,” I pompously say as I take a few puffs out of my Sherlock Holmes pipe. “Katie Katie Katie. Sure, it’s useless - but it’s way more interactive than the old ones. And my dictionary smells and tastes better than those too. Perhaps you didn’t read it thoroughly enough to catch the definition of the word gimmick.”
Katie: “Oh, I’m sorry, no… I.. I… “
Me: “Page 232!” Followed by a quick double clap is if to say "Chop chop!"
Katie: “It says gimmick: see scam. Okay,” as she thumbs to the S section to peep the meaning of scam. “Scam: noun. It says 'See price on back of book.'”
