Evidently "Wacky" means "Fleeting"

I'm a bath guy. We humans spend too much time on our feets as is and need to focus more on chilling the hell out whenever possible, such as when cleaning oneself. And just like everything else, you might as well make it as fun as possible while you're at it - enter Wacky Watermelon flavored Mr. Bubble.

I purchased this product because a) I like bubbles, b) it's cheap and 3) the bottle is a nice bright green color, and it happens to be one of my favorite shades of green.

However, I've been using it for a few weeks now and am beginning to realize that this product is not nearly as fun as the bottle leads you to think. When in the aisle at Target being hyp-mo-tized by the bottle, I was picturing being up to my neck in bubbles like when I was a kid... taking massive weightless handfuls of bubbles and putting them on my head like a bubble afro. And every bubble afro needs a bubble beard to go with it, so I'd do up one of those as well and just keep moving on down from there. I was gonna look like a huge white poodle and it was gonna be awesome. Bubble breasteses, bubble biceps, bubble loincloth, boots, and so on.

I was envisioning something like that episode of the Brady Bunch when their laundry room overflowethed with mounds of delicious, billowy soap bubbles. Remember that? Wackiness ensued; that shit was all over the floor, in everyone's hair, creeping out of the laundry room in a 2 foot tall mass as if a volcano of soap had erupted.

However, that is not the case here. No matter how much of the product I put in, it is a lackluster bathing experience at most. I take all of the right steps to get a nice pile of bubbles started, but not even 5 minutes later they're gone. What the fuck?

If I were a kid, this would really chap my hide. The front label claims to provide "BiG BuBbLin' FUn!" To me, "BiG BuBbLin' FUn!" should last more than 3 minutes. Mr. Bubble is proving to be nothing more than a soap version of Fruit Stripes gum. All fun and fruit smelling at first, but then before you know it, you're left with nothing and wondering what went wrong. So you try more, only to be let down with the same over-before-it-ever-began results.

Lesson learned: never judge a bottle of bubble bath by its awesome color and happy packaging. If there's any bubble bath recommendations out there that make for a good long lasting sudsy experience where I can build a nice fro and throw mounds of bubbles at my cat, I'm all ears. I'm just trying to have some fun here, for cripes sake.