He lives one floor up from me in the apartment directly above mine and comes home in the wee hours of the morning (usually around 2) causing a ruckus like you wouldn't believe.
First he does the dishes, then you can hear him changing the trash, shaking out a new trash bag and throwing the full one outside the door. I try and put the pillow over my head to block some of the noise but it usually doesn't work.
Then he busts out the vacuum and hits the floors of every room. When the vacuum shuts off you can always hear the cord retract back into it: ttrwrwrwrwrwack! Then he rolls that sonofabitch all the way across the floor back into the closet and slams the door shut behind him. THUD!
Last but not least, I hear the bathtub faucet handles squeak as he turns the water on to take a shower. Aaaah. Peace and quiet. But not for long... just as I start to fall asleep, it happens: He crawls into my bed attempting to spoon with me and says "Goodnight, honey!"
I spring up like a human catapult: "DUDE! For fuckin' crying out loud, your place is one floor up and I am NOT your girlfriend! How many times are we going to be going through this? THREE FLIGHTS OF STAIRS! NOT TWO!"
As always, he apologizes and you can tell he's embarrassed.
"Dang, so I cleaned your whole place again, not mine?"
"Yeah, and did you scoop out the catbox this time? You missed it last night!"
Up and out he goes to his sleeping girlfriend and messy apartment upstairs until the next night when it happens all over again.
I reckon I could lock my front door, but I don't like cleaning all that much. Nor do I like a strange guy waking me up by snuggling up with me at 3am every night. But for now, that 20 seconds of incredibly awkward discomfort is a small price to pay when you wake up to a nice clean place.
Note to self: buy a few bottles of White Rain so he doesn't use up all of your expensive shampoo.
