Okay.
So. I'm sitting here watching the Golden Globes mindin' my own business and my blind neighbor I have spoken of here in previous accounts knocks on my door to let me know she'll have a bag of trash for me to take out for her. No problem; she's a really sweet lady and I likes helping her out whenever I can.
She handed me the package pictured up above and told me I could have it and that it's too "tangy and spicy" for her. She can't see, so she wasn't aware that there's no label on it, so being a curious little monkey I thanked her and asked what it was.
"Oh, well you can mix it with Miracle Whip and eat it cold like a salad, or you can throw barbeque sauce in it and eat it hot - it's just too tangy and spicy for me!"
Mmmmmkay. Don't get me wrong. Like I said, she's the sweetest lady ever. She even gave me another half used tube because she didn't want to throw it out. But this "gift" just gives me the creeps. Evidently it's some sort of meat. That much I know. But what's all that other shit in there? See 'em? Those non-meat colored chunks? And what kiiiiiiind of meat is this? Huh? And just where did this unmarked package come from? Am I being poisoned here? What's going on? Dare I thaw and eat this? I want to just because I'm curious. You never know, it could be yummy. But then again, I don't want to die or spend the next 72 hours folded in half feeling like I'm having a baby.
So many questions.
It's supposed to be thrown in the freezer, but has only made it as far as my desk where I sit and curiously stare at it. I don't know if I want it in my freezer. What if it tries to eat or impregnate the green beans and pizza I have in there?
If anyone has any ideas of what this is, speak up. Maybe if you properly identify it, I'll let you "win" it. Or maybe I'll just have a big mystery meat party where everyone can come over. I'll give you each a Dixie cup full of it and we'll have a good old fashioned cook-off. Whomever makes the best cuisine, sculpture, piece of art... with their cup of mystery meat wins. Wins what, I don't know. A free oven mit, perhaps.
I don't know, man. I'm getting a little weirded out now. On that note, I'm gonna go heat up some hot dogs for din dins. At least with those I know I'm eating the parts of animals that can't really be used for much anything else. But this here tube of frozen "tangy and spicy" mystery meat is just a little too mysterious for me at this juncture.
