I've been dealing with a bout of insomnia for nearly a week now which recently got kicked into overdrive. Have I forgotten how to sleep?
I am perfectly tired most of the time. Sitting at work with a Stupidface staring blankly at my monitor and suddenly falling back to Earth after a short time. Who knows how much time elapses, but I snap out of it and wonder a) Were my eyes closed? 2) If they were, did anybody see me? c) How long was I out? and IV) Was it good quality sleep?
This especially-tired-at-work thing makes me think maybe in order to be sleeping, I need to be doing something I don't like and getting paid for it. Maybe I need to be reading things on flat screen monitors from customers who are only capable of typing words like "y'all" and have the intelligence quotient of a baby chimp.
Alas, I come home, am sleepy all afternoon and POW! Along comes bedtime and the closest thing to sleep I can muster up is watching Frank all curled up in a ball. Cats sleep up to 20 hours a day or so they say, those lazy little bastards.
That said, I would like to hire a head basher-inner to come over and knock me out with a giant wooden mallet every night at say, about 10pm. It always works in the cartoons and on the Three Stooges, so maybe it could work for me? I might develop some brain damage over time. But seeing that evidently we human beans only use 10 percent of our brains, I figure I've got 90 percent of perfectly usable extra brain in my melon and can afford to sustain some irreversible damage. Just learn how to tap into that 90 percent, right? Right.
So if anyone out there is interested in the head-bashing opportunity, contact me. This will take some finesse though - I don't want you to go making my head look like a watermelon that's been dropped off the roof of a 10 story building. I just want a good enough konk to give me a hula hoop of stars and birds circling around my head and maybe the tongue hanging out one side of the mouth look.
I don't have much money that I could pay you, but there's some cheese in the fridge and you're more than welcome to help yourself to that after a job well done.
