Hello. My name is Devo and food is my Mama. I can not stop thinking about it... never have, never will. Food is my favorite thing in the whole world. If I had to choose between air and food, I'd pick food, because food tastes way better. DUH! Food is the most important thing ever to me. Oh, and Mike is too, because he has thumbs, and thumbs help you open refrigerator doors and twist can openers. I guess can openers are the most important thing ever, too. Those thingies are awesome... they open up my cans of slimy meat paste.One time when I was a kitty, Mike was trying to feed me and my roommates at the time. He kept putting me on the floor, but I would keep jumping up on the counter while he was giving my roommates their food first, because they were being good and staying on the floor. So what... why should they get fed first and not me? It's not fair. I'd jump up to try and get to my can, and he'd quickly pick me up and plop me back on the floor. This must have happened about 10 times. I didn't mean to come off as desperate, I was just sort of hungry, you know? In order to finish getting my roommates' food ready, he moved my open can of food to that big white cube with knobs and 4 fire circles on top of it that makes things like fried chicken and maccaroni and cheese. That didn't scare me one bit. I jumped right up on that sonofabitch and started helping myself. Yeah, that's how important food is to me. Is that such a crime?
I love scones. If you come over to my house with a scone, you had better be prepared to fight for it. I will try as hard as I can to knock it out of your hand. Just throw me a crumb. Please. I love McDonalds shakes. Did somebody say "Asparagus"? Sign me up! If there's anything that smells remotely appetizing in the trash, you can bet I'll try my hardest to find it, because there's no sense in anything going to waste, especially Saran Wrap with turkey juice on it. Yum. Even if something is at my disposal that I don't like, I'll at least sniff it for a bit and try it, because when you don't have opposable thumbs, you've gotta take what you can get.
Try as hard as you want to hide your food from me in hard to reach areas, I will find a way to get to it. On top of the fridge? No problem. In a coat pocket? Easy. On an upper bookshelf? Even my grandma could do that.
What's that I smell? I think it's coming from the kitchen sink.. there's a garlic toast pan in there from last night that must have been forgotten about. I'm so there it's not even funny. See ya!
Editor's note: Happy Birthday Joe Berkman on bass!
