I had an interesting lunsh break today. It was spent at the Haaaaawhyte Castle eatery on University Avenue, mainly because I was short on cash money and hey, a little can go a long way when you're talkin' White Castle. Good chiggen sanidges there, try 'em. And go ahead all you White Castle knockers, have at it. Get it out of your system in the comments section if you need to. Just remember: We all have guilty pleasures in life and they should be embraced, not jeered and made fun of. Even if they are notorious for making people gas something awful.So anyhoo, the patrons at this place are always interesting. I almost go there more to watch them than for the "food". It's like being in a VFW and an old folks home all at once.
Today's Customer of the Day Award Badge gets pinned upon the dirty parka of a guy I'll call Pig Pen. He was one of those seedy characters you immediately knew was not safe to make eye contact with. Tell tale sign was when he walked out of the men's biffy past a little old man minding his own beeswax eating his Sliders and reading the paper. Pig Pen took a look at him and said "Shut the Hell up!" in passing. Nice! He got some napkins, walked past us again, and sat down.
About 10 minutes later, I felt the lingering presence of a person approaching me from behind. I fixed my eyes real hard on the CityPages I was reading, putting on the best poker face of undivided concentration I could muster up. I knew damn well who it was: I was going to be the next victim or a walk-by Pig Pen-ning. You can just feel that stuff coming sometimes.
Sure as Hell, Pig Pen was now at the end of my table standing there steadfast, slightly swaying to and fro. I didn't make a peep 'cause I didn't particularly feel like being told to shut the Hell up at that time. He stood there for a few seconds and I made like I was readin' my paper and didn't see him there.
"Yoowansumunionships?" said he. Translated: "Dear boy, would you prefer to consume any of my leftover Onion Chips? I'd hate for them to go to waste."
"Oh, um, no thank you, I'm pretty full," I apprehensively responded.
"Huh, oggay.."
He stood there for a few more seconds as I thought to myself oh no. oh no. oh no. oh no...
He looked at my empty tray and mumbled "Well. You done eetin?"
"Yes," I sheepishly replied.
"Oggay... lemme take this tray for you then. Mmmmmmmmhh! You were hungree!"
He took my tray, disposed of my garbage properly, and went back and sat down. Little old man was looking at me blankly like "why the Hell did you get the royal treatment and he told me to shut the hell up?" I gave him a shoulder shrug and beats the shit outa me face.
I had 15 minutes left of my break and was quick to do the ol 'look-at-the-time' routine and quickly got up and out of there. 15 minutes could be an eternity if spent with this fella. At the rate he was befriending me, another 5 minutes and he'd be asking me to help warsh his beard and hair in the bathroom sink for him. And I just don't need to know how rich of a lather the soap in the White Castle restrooms are capable of creating.
It has since been decided that tomorrow I'm brown baggin' a lunch and staying within the safe confines of my work building. I like to make friends and all, but just wasn't feeling a connection with Pig Pen, sad to say.
