You've probably seen it on the news - the usual day after Thanksgiving early morning insanity which ensues at stores across the U-S-of A. The pic you see here was from a Wal Mart store in Maryland on Friday when an early morning sale got out of hand.First thing I thought when I saw this was golly, what a bunch-a dang jackasses. Second thing it made me ponder was if anyone has told that guy on the right that chewin' tobacca ain't a healthy habit. Not for those that use it, because that's their choice. I'm talking about second hand spit. It's no laughing matter - my sister can tell you all about it, that's fo sho. She once took a swig out of a Diet Coke can only to get a mouthful of lukewarm minty snuff flavored spit. Turns out the can was recycled into a disposable spittoon. Yeech! Can you imagine? I'm not sure who got the shittier end of the stick with can surprises - her or my uncle who got stung in the mouth after taking a swig of beer out of a can that a bee had crawled into. Makes that old peanut brittle with a spring loaded snake in the can gag not seem so scary now, doesn't it?
I'm sorry, I digress. And who knows, maybe that's a can of those IceBreakers sour mints in his pocket and not chaw after all. Hi, my name is Micycle and I like to judge a book by its cover. Sheesh.
Anyways. Back to the pile of flaming idiots in the pic and the other thousands of stores where things like this went down:
It's just stuff, people. Is it worth saving $10? Are you happy now that your dumb ass is all over the news? Ha? HA? ARE YA? Being a frugal bargain hunter myself, I like a sale as much as the next person. I understand that 'saver's high' of making a big score. The thrill of the hunt.
However.
I also understand that it's good to have some pride every now and again. During the holidays in particular. Every year when I see stuff like this on the news, I can't believe these are real people doing this. I'm a human too, and I fear that people like this are giving the rest of us a bad reputation with the aliens that are watching us via satellite from the outerspace in the safety of their flying saucers. Who knows, they could have the cure for cancer, the fountain of youth... but then see this crap transmitting onto their liquid plasma spaceship screens (which they got on sale at Best Buy the day after Alien Thanksgiving), and likely look at each other and say "Fuck this, we're finding another planet! Scratch Earth of the map immediately!"
If these people want to camp out at 1am rather than hit the sack after a nice night with the family, then let 'em, I guess. It wouldn't be a Thanksgiving Friday without the money shots of the year of these meatheads barging through the starting gates of the holiday shopping season and trampling over each other like a bunch of pigs running from a slaughter.
I have a request for next year that might do the world some good as well as make for one Hell of an entertaining news clip: Dig a 100 foot deep trench right in the inside of store entrances and fill it with poop water and angry starving alligators with television cameras strapped onto their bodies. Open those storefront doors and watch the herd of lowest common denominator humans disappear into the ground. Just think of how sweet that would be to watch live on CNN. They could even give it a nice little holiday kick by making the alligators wear Santa beards and hats - that way the whole family could watch.
If this happens, I hope I know ahead of time - I'd want to stock up on eggnog and buy some Depends. Why? Because I wouldn't want to leave the couch until the last aggressive early morning shopper was eaten and the alligators were all sitting there with full bellies picking their teeth with bones.
