Just you take a gander at that delicious looking Michelina's lasagna, now. Give it a good stare and take it all in. Piping hot layers upon layers of noodles and homestlye Meat Sauce(TM). Just like mom used to make. So easy and convenient, ready in only 5 minutes and some change.I wasn't in the mood to cook last night (a.k.a. all of my dishes are dirty) so I opted for the Michelina's frozen entree that I've been hanging onto for the last month. As you can see by the pic on the package, it looks incredibly delicious. I had an appetite of a horse, and certainly this would more than take care of it, so I thought. That's what lasagna does: you eat it so you can feel nice and sick. And full. I envisioned myself sprawled out on the davenport after consuming this meal, pants unbuttoned and in full lasagna hangover mode.
I peeled the corner of the box lid per the instructions on the package and popped it in the microwave for 4 minutes. I was salivating with delight looking at that image on the lid. Look at all that cheese, says I to myself. This is gonna be fuckin' yummy.
The microwave beeped letting me know that my feast was awaiting me. I removed it from the nu-cu-lar heating chamber and peeled back the lid to let it breathe. Clouds of toasty warm delicious smelling lasagna arose quickly into the air and fogged up my glasses.
I wiped the fog away and this is what was before me:
Um. Calling all porno film crew members: Is there a Lasagna Fluffer in the house?That pic doesn't really do it justice, it actually looks flatter in person. Did somebody smash my lasagna? Was there a temp at the factory that day that maybe forgot some ingredients? Is this only the top layer, and other layers are sold separately? I shouldn't expect much for $1, but golly. This was sorta pathetic. 2 toilet paper square-sized noodles with a toilet paper thin layer of "cheese" in a puddle of watery orangish red Meat Sauce(TM). Yeech.
So all I could do was eat it. Maybe it's more filling than it looks, I tried convincing myself. About 1/4 of the way through, or so I though I was, the container was already empty. I ended up having to make 4 pieces of toast and eat a can-o-pears to compensate, and spent the duration of the evening with that not-so-full feeling, eating a bunch of crap.
Remember the annoying as all Hell Michelina's commercial with the starchy office lady who when removing her Michelina entree from the microwave at work became so excitable that she did the Macarena? After this experience, I'm starting to wonder if she was doing that because she was famished and completely delusional as a result. She was prolly relying on single servings of Michelina's entrees for her meals and a little out of it due to prolonged starvation. Poor thing, I now know her pain.
