In less than 36 hours, I will be
Anywho, as I sit here at work watching the snow pile up, obviously it concerns me a little. This best not be happening when I board that plane, no sirree. I'll be having none of this delayed flight business. There is no time for Planes Trains and Automobile re-enactments here, nor is there money. So you listen to me and you listen to me good, Mother Nature: if there's any sort of weather-related monkey business, tomfoolery, or shenanigans on your part, so help me gawd I will slap you until you're silly in the head, you filthy Ninny.
I have a vision in my head of what's going to transpire when I first set foot on New York soil. Like to hear it? Here it goes:
I will somehow accidentally end up lost in the city, walking the streets sad and alone... Singing sad circus boy songs and weeping uncontrollably.
And then suddenly I run into John Lithgow who lifts my spirits and points me in the right direction - but not without first taking out his acoustic guitar and singing a song with me. I'd ask him a few Harry and the Hendersons questions, thank him, and be on my way.
Later that night I'll be cornered in a dark alley by some thugs and right as I think I'm going to be killed, David Bowie swoops out of the sky, peacefully sends all of the thugs scurrying and saves me (he'd probably have a cape on). We'd re-enact the Christmas duet he did with Bing Crosby, he'd give me some advice, and I'd be on my way.
I then walk into a cafe, penniless and hungry, wondering what I'm going to do next. Lo and behold, my favorite actor Steve Buscemi is behind the counter with an apron and paper fry cook's hat on. He gives me free food, because he's well aware that I penned the Iced Ink hit Steve Buscemi Overture (see: here) in honor of his fine body of work.
There will be many other celebrity cameos that will help me get to my destination. And with every encounter, at least 1 song and dance number will ensue. The coolest will be when I bump into Christopher Walken and he does his tap-dance on the wall and ceiling bit. Maybe he could sing Lionel Richie’s hit “Dancing On The Ceiling” all the while. Yeah, that would be sweet.
The grand finale will be a bombastic Fame-style ending with everyone dancing on the streets and on cars in synch with one another. All of the Muppets will be there singing and dancing as well, ready to send me off to that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
I'll then hop into an old 1950s taxi cab with magical powers, fly into the sky above the crowd, and the car will leave a shimmering neon pink comet in its trail.
I'll look into the camera and say "Next stop, Ponchoville!" and the cab will burst into hyper speed. The camera will then pan down below to the crowd of celebrities I'd befriended along the way, smiling and waving.
Credits roll and "Holiday Road" by Lindsey Buckingham kicks in.
***
Either that or my plane will arrive as scheduled and everything will go fine. Regardless, it's all gonna make for some good journal material, believe you me.
See ya next week, kiddies!
Sincerely,
Micycle
