What would I like on my Tombstone?

Well for starters, some flavor would be nice. Peep this:

Went grocery shopping yesterday afternoon and threw a frozen pizza in the buggy 'cause I knew I'd be too pooped to cook by the time I got home and everything was unbagged.

I slipped the frozen food disc in the oven and 20 minutes later was sitting before a plate of 3 piping hot wedges of Tombstone sassidge and fungus pizza. One bite into it and I learned something interesting about myself. If ever asked what I would like on my Tombstone, I’d have to say "Flavor, please!"

There was adequate sassidge and fungus coverage on the pizza pie, however I couldn't taste a single one of em. Not even the cheese. Or the sauce. I could taste the crust, but that's because it was about 1/2" thick and hard as a rock. It was really weird. I double checked the wrapper to make sure I didn't get some sort of new water-pizza or something, but nope. This was just the standard issue run of the mill frozen pizza. And dang, it really sucked.

Maybe they're called “Tombstone” because they sort of resemble Tombstones once fully cooked. I was tempted to take the tip of my apple peeler, carve “R.I.P.” in the cheese and plant half of it in the ground outside in the foliage as a late Halloween decoration of sorts. But I was too tired and too hungry.

Hm. Maybe they're called “Tombstone” because they make you feel half dead after pounding back a few wedges with a glass o milk, 'cause I did indeed feel pretty crappy while my body kicked into overdrive attempting to digest the stuff. I passed out for a few hours, waking up disoriented before an empty plate at 1am wondering what had just happened and what year it was. After feeling my chin hairs and realizing they hadn’t grown into a Santa beard or anything like that, I was quite relieved.

I stumbled into the kitchen to warsh my plate and dangit, there was the other 2/3 of the pizza still sitting on the countertop. I always do that. It certainly resembled a tombstone before, but now it was pretty much petrified. I picked the 2/3 Pac Man shaped once barely-edible sculpture up from the rack and it magically remained in one piece and retained its shape, resembling a thick plastic Frisbee that had been warped in a fire.

Being one to not throw food out and waste it, I put it in the fridge to cure it a little bit more and am hoping that by tonight, I can use it as a cutting board for when I'm chopping my vegetables.